If there is one thing we must get... it's that sexual intimacy is no joke. It is powerful and has serious consequences if not done within the safety boundaries that God has placed for our own good. Contrary to what most people think about Christians -you know, that they're anti-sex and anti-pleasure- it is learning more about God and growing in the Christian faith that has opened my eyes to see that not having sex and getting the most of out it when you're married is actually sinful, and God created it and called it good.
Those who show little or no respect for how powerful and wonderful sex is are the ones who are are truly anti-sex. A drug addict will use drugs to gratify his desires any way he wishes, but a pharmacist will be careful to use drugs safely with restrictions because he is pro-drugs. He knows that for drugs to work at their best, they must be taken properly and not just any old way one might feel like taking them. If you truly value something, you will not abuse or misuse it. It works the same with sex. Christians not only like sex, but also respect and value it as well and that's where our secular culture is left wanting. I like how the late Adrian Rogers stated, "People who treat sex lightly do so because they treat people lightly."
This is why when I came across a blog entitled "Christian Masturbation According To The Word of God", it didn't sit too well with me. Basically, the crux of the blog is "if you're married you can masturbate to thoughts of your spouse and that's not only not sin, but is, frankly, a good thing to do.
I think the author has unintentionally simplified the sexual union, it's purpose, and what it's intended to reflect, and has unfortunately reduced it's purpose to what appears to be only pleasure and satisfaction. It's not my intention to criticize or judge anyone who agrees with that particular blog as I am greatly aware that I am not much of an intellect and probably understand a lot less of God's word then the author does, but I just had to get this off my chest.
Not long after I was saved God spoke to me and told me in no uncertain terms that I had to stop using fantasy while being intimate with my husband at once. I didn't question it, but later when I obeyed, I understood why. My heart, emotions, and mind were never engaged, which means I was not actually engaged. Suddenly I was very aware that when I didn't have the fantasy I had fear. Becoming present in the bedroom produced a crippling fear in me. I felt awkward and frightfully vulnerable. I feared true intimacy and never knew it before because I was hiding under fantasies. It was my way of not allowing myself to be vulnerable to my husband. My way of maintaining my independence from him, and you know what? My fantasies always involved him.
Ok...When you fantasize about your spouse, are you really fantasizing about your spouse or just someone who looks like your spouse? What I mean by that is, are you taking the things you like about your spouse and leaving the things that you don't particularly like? Of course you are...it's a fantasy. A fantasy isn't about intimacy, it's about you. You want to conjure up your own little sexual utopia where people become the objects of your pleasure, and nothing more.
Problem...
you are now bonding to an image of your spouse...not your spouse. Your spouse has his/her own feelings, desires, thoughts, likes, and dislikes. The effect fantasy and masturbation has on our heart attitudes is detrimental to marital intimacy. In real life you can't escape these and this will create frustration and anger in the marriage bed. And do notice that phrase "marriage bed". There is a context in which sex is sanctified. It is withing the marriage bed. "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." (Hebrews 13:4)
The other problem with fantasies (as well as porn) is that you have to continually intensify your fantasy life to maintain the same degree of pleasure. You become less and less able to be truly intimate with real people and fantasy becomes your escape from reality. It really is a slippery slope when you start puddling around in fantasy land. The noose is loosely around your neck...when is Satan gonna yank it?
I think the problem in our culture is that we are clueless about what intimacy really is. We only know what sex is. We have been conditioned since we were children to view people as the means or the obsticles to our hapiness. We are not seeing people through God's eyes as temples of the Holy Spirit. There is a mystery about sex that we don't get. It's reflecting something about God. Masturbation is perverting that reflection and it shows that there is an underlaying heart issue that needs to be taken care of.
"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. " (Ephesians 5:3)
Aside from my own personal experience, there are other things I'm very concerned about with this matter, a few of which are oxytocin and prolactin. I would think this would compound the problem above.
It is my understanding that men and women both release oxytocin during orgasm, which is the chemical that enables people to bond. The same chemical that is released during breastfeeding and produces that unconditional love of a mother towards her child. So not only are you training your mind to see people as objects, but now you're becoming bonded to those objects...even if that object looks like your spouse. So when your real spouse doesn't match the perfect fantasy of her/him you have created in your mind, you automatically run back to fantasy where she/he always delivers...and you actually bond with this "better spouse" instead of your real spouse.
Oxytocin also results in the production of sedative endorphins, which make it addicting. Another chemicle called prolactin is also released during orgasm.This is the chemical that's linked to the feeling of sexual satisfaction. The problem is, with masturbation orgasms, the amount of prolactin released is far less. Intercourse orgasms released about four times more.
In other words, you are growing more and more bonded to that object you use, simultaneously becoming addicted to the high you get from your fantasy and then you're lacking the ability to become satisfied.
This is where pornography causes so much damage.
"it is the ever increasing desire for an ever decreasing pleasure."
We would all be wise to seek the will of God and not our own lusts and preconceived notions. The two can be so difficult to discern between, which is why we need the word of God that is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, piercing until it divides soul and spirit, joints and marrow, as it judges the thoughts and purposes of the heart.
We can know for certain that anything that is done, that is done not in faith (Romans 14:23), is sin. If your conscience is convicting you and you continue to do it anyway, it then becomes sin. 1Tim 1:5; 18,19
Unfortunately, the author of the blog has since admitted that he is not a biblical Christian and does not subscribe to the belief that the Bible is God-breathed. My last comment is still awaiting moderation and appears that it will remain that way. I still find it kinda funny how his title is called "Christian Masturbation according to the Word of God".
1 comment:
Desley someone has to talk about these things... someone has to do it, or we fall into the trap of thinking there are parts of our lives that God cannot handle, you have said truth, we are always using substitutes arent we? and we miss the prize of real intimacy... i was reading a book called FAlse Intimacy, about these very matters, but I know I should not give you another book, or you will roll your eyes at me eh?
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