Coughing Up Camel Anyone?

Tonight I blog, a very lucky girl- that is, blessed.
My morning began with a call and a short-but-sweet catch up with Nancy over some Robin's coffee, and then I was treated to lunch at Boston Pizza by my good friend Beth. I do feel very blessed that though I have been feeling down lately, God has given me so many caring and thoughtful people to keep me distracted. I hope I can somehow be as much of a blessing to these precious ladies as they have been to me. I feel very privileged to be able to talk candidly with another person...or two! Bonus! Especially when it comes to hot-button topics like the role(s) of Christian women, abortion, homeschooling, daycare, parenting, etc., and while we may not necessarily see eye to eye on each of these things, we can still love one another.
So I began reflecting one of these recent conversations about daycare and homeschooling, and have gotten myself in one of my "what-the-heck-is-wrong-with-us-Christians?" moods again.

Just say there's a woman whose house is literally bouncing with children, and is expecting another beautiful gift from God. Her husband works ridiculously long hours and this leaves her to care for the children basically on her own. She must tend to the young children, care for the home, make sure homework gets done, cook meals, do the disciplining, make sure she gets enough rest and eats right, and provide the spiritual educating to compensate for the absence of her husband. The problem is, she has no help, she's worn out and emotional from the pregnancy among other things, is not able to find the time for devotions and cultivate her prayer life, and because she is overwhelmed and stressed, not able to accomplish it all, her confidence fails and whatever time she has with her children is now a negative experience for them all. Then her husband finally makes it in the door and she is angry and frustrated with him for not being there and leaving her with all the responsibility.

The husband should cut back the hours at work, you say? Well, that may be, but she's also held to the expectations outlined in Scripture for her to respect her husband's headship and if she has appealed to him and he refuses to love her the way Christ loved the church, what is she to do... suck it up? I think we've already established that she can't just suck it up. She is not wonder woman. As all of us do, she has her limitations.
So she decides, for the overall health and protection of her family, she's going to put the kids in daycare a few days a week to give herself (and her unborn child) a much needed rest. Not a big deal? Well apparently it is to many a sister in Christ. According to some, she is mandated by God to not only have them at home 24-7 during their toddler and preschool years, but she is also commanded to do all the educating too. So now she feels like a crappy mother-and worse, a disobedient Christian- for doing what was necessary for her entire family.

I get where these sisters in Christ are coming from. I really do. (I do it in several other areas, of which I am completely oblivious to). Yes, home should come first. Our families should come first. That's biblical. What's not biblical is having the audacity to pretend you know how to best love someone else's family. No woman's circumstances are a one glove fits all. Sometimes we have to make the best choices for our families after weighing the costs and the benefits.

It's funny, but it seems to me that Christ did not say " the first and foremost of all commandments is to home school your children" or "the second is like unto it -don't work or put thy children in daycare", but rather it was,
‘HEAR, O ISRAEL! THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE LORD; AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.’ “The second is this, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ (Mark 12:28-31)

I vaguely remember another story...

"He was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. And there was a woman who for eighteen years had had a sickness caused by a spirit; and she was bent double, and could not straighten up at all. When Jesus saw her, He called her over and said to her, “Woman, you are freed from your sickness.” And He laid His hands on her; and immediately she was made erect again and began glorifying God. But the synagogue official, indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, began saying to the crowd in response, “There are six days in which work should be done; so come during them and get healed, and not on the Sabbath day.” But the Lord answered him and said, “You hypocrites, does not each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or his donkey from the stall and lead him away to water him? “And this woman, a daughter of Abraham as she is, whom Satan has bound for eighteen long years, should she not have been released from this bond on the Sabbath day?"(Luke 13:10-16)

And how about this one:
"At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath, and His disciples became hungry and began to pick the heads of grain and eat. But when the Pharisees saw this, they said to Him, “Look, Your disciples do what is not lawful to do on a Sabbath.” But He said to them, “Have you not read what David did when he became hungry, he and his companions, how he entered the house of God, and they ate the consecrated bread, which was not lawful for him to eat nor for those with him, but for the priests alone? “Or have you not read in the Law, that on the Sabbath the priests in the temple break the Sabbath and are innocent? “But I say to you that something greater than the temple is here. “But if you had known what this means, ‘I DESIRE COMPASSION, AND NOT A SACRIFICE,’ you would not have condemned the innocent "(Matthew 12:1-7).

So what might happen if this woman succumbed to these other womens beliefs and personal convictions? She may lose her children, have a breakdown, lose her marriage, lose her unborn child or deliver prematurely, or possibly end up in a postpartum depression or even psychosis. And even if none of the above happened, what would that say about us who would be willing to put her and her family at risk just because we're self-righteous? Which does God care about more, this unwritten law or this daughter of Abraham?

Hmmm... I recall something else this Jesus said to these types of people. Something like, "You blind guides, who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel!"(Matthew 23:24)

I forget many times too that people come first, but what I need to do is remember Romans 14:4: "Who are you to judge someone elses servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand." And as much as it is against my nature to do so, God has made it clear what is most important to Him.
I don't think we Christians can even come close to grasping the extent of the damage we are doing to one another because we are all "puffed up". It may be best for most children to stay at home with their mothers every day. They may learn better at home too, but for some of us, the consequences from the friction and stress this would cause would, by far, surpass whatever benefits there may be. That's why these kinds of things are best left between God, the husband, and the wife. I believe the rest of us should stay out of it. Whether or not a mother is working is not our business. How many children a couple has is not our business. Whether or not a woman gets married (as I've just recently heard a prominent Christian leader say "it is the woman's duty to marry and have kids") or has children is not our business. Whether or not her children are in daycare is not our business. However her kids are getting an education is not our business. We can teach that we are to love God first, others second, and that if we do have a family our husbands and children must come first. That's a given. But just how we best obey these commands can only be left to the discretion of the couple and God by the guiding of the Holy Spirit. We are not the Holy Spirit to other people. We need to ask ourselves the same question Peter asked,

“Now therefore why do you put God to the test by placing upon the neck of the disciples a yoke which neither our fathers nor we have been able to bear? But we believe that we are saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus, in the same way as they also are.” (Acts 15:10)

Unfortunately, I also believe it is this kind of sentiment coming from within the church that is scaring unbelieving women half to death. As Peter noted, it didn't do any good before, and it won't do any good now. Women do not want or need another list of laws and regulations to wear them down and tie them up. Especially ones that would undermine their own rational thought and, if given the opportunity, may even supersede their choices. This is precisely why unbelieving women are afraid of us and don't want to give us too much credence.
Jesus said that if we were weary and heavy-laden, if we come to Him He will give us rest, not give us more burdens.

Now, excuse me while I go and hack up some of my own camel. *COUGH! COUGH!*