Who is my neighbour?

I ranted and raved about my precious sister in Christ who genuinely felt the need to inform me that "Jesus is a pacifist, don't you know", but what I didn't write about was how a few more of my brothers and sisters added their own two cents to the matter as well...and actually in a very humble and gentle manner.
It seems they were convinced that I needed to abandon my pro-life "agenda" and return to doing "Kingdom work".
Whether or not I should have, I did take these suggestions to heart and struggled with them for the last four days.

Am I, as Beth Moore discussed, allowing myself to "become the enemy of my best?" Should I put my pro-life battles in only one little compartment of my life and use the rest of it to pursue Kingdom work?
The problem is, the more I seek God, the more I can ever so slightly see His image in those around me, and then the more fervent my desire is to "Deliver those who are being taken away to death,and those who are staggering to slaughter"(Pro 24:11), and am more moved with compassion for the "least of these".
So, I've been praying that if my passion for the unborn and the time I spend defending them is interfering with intimacy with God, that He would show me. That if it is His will for me to tone it down, that He would relieve me of this intense burden. Yet the more I pray, the more my heart wrenches for them.

On day 4's homework of this week, God made it crystal clear to me that He has, in this area, "made His passions my passions", as I've been praying for Him to do.


And here's my answer:

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with
all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is
like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'(Matthew 22:37-39)

Kingdom work and rescuing those in need are not mutually exclusive vocations. Loving our neighbours goes right to the very identity of Christianity and is an integral extension of faith.
However, God did warn me through day 5's homework not to work until I have sought His direction through prayer and His word, so that my God-given passions would be poured out within the safe framework of His agenda, so as not to be used destructively or in vain. After all, to fulfill the law you must love all your neighbours. I need to be careful to go where He tells me, and to say what He tells me to say.

I love this Scripture...
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your
heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He
will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like
the noonday sun.”(Psalm 37:4-6)

But I must also remember the prayer He gave me... "now lift up my eyes and let me look at life."
The wise words Shelly gave to Harry on the movie My Girl are whispering in the back of my mind..."I'm not asking you to stop feeling for those people..but life isn't just death. Don't ignore the living." I must remember to take pity on the living too. The women who are in need, half dead, stigmatized by society and the church... That again, I am to not only hate what is evil, but then also to CLING TO WHAT IS GOOD....and that's where I lack big time.

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?" "You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"

In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'
"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"
The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise." (Luke 10:25-37)

Is it possible that just as the religious leaders of the parable were so consumed with persuing "God's agenda" that they forgot that, as Paul writes,

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and
all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love,
I am nothing?"(1 Corinthians 13:2),

we do the same with our lack of action on behalf of the unborn and their mothers? Beth Moore writes "often the tests of our hearts will be similar...they usually involve behaviours and reactions to one another. How we deal with people may be a truer test of the heart than how we relate to things....Stepping across a boundary to help is sometimes our first introduction to the commonality of humanity on the other side. Offering help in a time of need can be the first
step to overcoming God-dishonouring prejudice."

So...the question is...

...WHO IS YOUR NEIGHBOUR?

According to Jesus, your neighbour is anyone in need....or are we ourselves attempting "to hide in loopholes of terminology", instead of taking pity (remember, that word means "to feel deeply or viscerally") on the unborn and post-abortive women, and compassionately acting on that?

"It's not a real 'person'...just a fetus...sub-human...not like us..."

"She made her choice...She's a murderer...sub-human...not like us..."

And so we justify passing by on the other side...after all...we're just so busy doing the important work of God.

If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.
Deliver
those who are drawn away to death, and those who totter to the slaughter, hold
them back [from their doom].
If you [profess ignorance and] say, Behold, we
did not know this, does not He Who weighs and ponders the heart perceive and
consider it? And He Who guards your life, does not He know it? And shall not He
render to [you and] every man according to his works? (Proverbs 24:10-12)

CLEAR THE PATH!

The Bible study this morning left me speechless. So much said, so little time to absorb it all.
I did make a choice this morning to discipline myself to get my homework done a little each day, as I'm supposed to do cuz I realized I'm missing out by doing it all at once. I think it would do a lot more good if I could have some time to chew on what I've learned, swallow it down and regurgitate it to chew on it some more before moving on to the next thing. Ugh! That just sounds so gross!

I really enjoyed the discussion before we watched Session 2. Btw, Beth, just to clarify what I was talking about when I brought up the Job thing, was not that I can't imagine ever shaking my fist in the face of God (I do that way too often for my own safety) but that I have a feeling if either of us were actually face to face with God, directly in the presence of the terrible Almighty God -unveiled, I highly doubt we'd have the audacity to mock Him like Satan did regarding Job.

Satan's one angelic mass of stupidity, alright. Beautifully ugly, and intelligently stupid.
I determined within myself today that this day would mark a turning point in my walk with the Lord. That session really convicted me and gave me a renewed hope. When she was talking about how God is right there, and at any time He could open the sky, or open the heavens to us...Wow. I guess when we think of God as this little being somewhere off in the far, far distance, we imagine Him as not only being distant and uninvolved, but also incapable of solving our problems or intervening for us in the wonderful ways that He wants to.
I left the church and got in the van thinking, God, You are right there. You are here, and You are so unbelievably huge, and You are sooooo able. How could I have forgotten that?! How have I forgotten the terribleness of the LORD?

So...I am now persuaded that God can and will intervene for me and my family when I clear the path and...uhum...shut my mouth. I know this is what God was saying to me cuz I keep asking Him when He will ever intervene for my family and through a sermon by Paul Washer He has already told me that if I want Him to deal with certain people in my life that are helping me to stumble, I need to...

"MOVE!!!! GET. OUT. OF. THE. WAY!"

And the suggestion sounded plenty more harsh than the way it looks here.

...I'm sensing God is quite grieved with me lately.

Goodness, am I ever thankful He loves me.
Yes. I've had a fair warning from my Father Who will chasten me if I don't shape up. If I want Him to run after and take hold of certain people in my life that I've been complaining about, I had better clear the path or He just might intervene and I'll be knocked down in the process. I don't know what it would be like to come into a collision with Jehovah God, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe, but I don't think I fancy finding out.

So I got plenty of practice of keeping the path clear on the way home. Every time I thought something was unfair or unjust I zipped it and urged God,

"See... Do you see?! IN-TER-VEEENE, God!"

Well, He said He wants me to come to Him as a child, and boy, don't I feel like one.

The other thing I just loved and took to heart was when she talked about the word consecrate, or being "treated as holy". This came as a fresh word to me this morning, although I've heard it said in plenty of other ways and it has never fell on me quite this way.

Man, I am holy. I am absolutely, 100% holy and believing any different is doubting the holiness of Jesus which covers me and the blood of God that cleansed me from all my sin.

Now...I just need to start acting like it.


EDIT:
I just remembered one more thing I absolutely loved from the weeks' homework.

It was heartening to see how the people who knew Jesus' family took offense at Him, not because of anything He had ever done, but because of who His family was. At least, that's what I inferred from this Scripture:

["Where did this man get this wisdom and these miraculous powers?" they
asked. "Isn't this the carpenter's son? Isn't his mother's name Mary, and aren't
his brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas? Aren't all his sisters with us?
Where then did this man get all these things?" And they took offense at
him.] (Emphasis mine)

Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but as Beth Moore said, there were at least 7 children in Jesus' home. I imagine His house was not very big either, and His earthly father being a carpenter, he would have worked long, hard hours.
Now I know Mary and Joseph were parents of faith, but let's face it. They were only human. Anybody who has several children should be able to relate when I say, there are definitely times when frustration, anger, noise and chaos, bickering and sibling rivalry, coupled with living on a tight budget (which they did), can produce some pretty shameful and guilt-spawning situations. The Lord knows, if any of my children ever grew to be mighty men or women of the Lord, people would definitely question how that could be.

Aren't you the son (or daughter) of Will? Isn't your mother Desley? Aren't your brothers and sisters... etc., etc.? How can anyone from that family turn out godly? Where did that man get such knowledge? Certainly not from that family.

You get my point.


As if God hasn't the power to prevent our dysfunctional habits and sinful shortcomings from infecting e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e in our home.

Besides, it would be just like our God to use the foolish things to confound the wise in this aspect as well.

It's a good thing God can show His wondrous works through anybody from any family, eh? I don't know about anybody else, but I find myself praying for God to minimize the damage I've caused my kids from my reactions to stress, frustration, and anger...and yes...my neighbours have many times heard an ear full coming from our home. I'm sure they anticipate the day my kids all turn into delinquents.

But God is merciful and powerful and wonderful.

Iron Shaping Iron

I've been challenged this week about my "pro-life" views and strategies, and I admit I needed it...to a degree.

I know many Christians don't understand my urgency and need to fight for the unborn. I don't blame them, really. Most people think I'm putting unborn babies or the issue of abortion before God, when the truth is just the opposite. It's my faith in Jesus that's motivating me, and the more I absorb the Word of God and let it really transform my beliefs and thinking, the more urgency and compassion I feel for the unborn. My perceptions of the unborn are changing, and I am coming to see the unborn through the eyes of God and love them more and more.

I guess it's hard to understand what I mean. When I look at Leila, I picture her as a 1 1/2 inch fetus, with the same features, yet immature, the same eyes, nose, mouth, fingers, toes, ears, and the head that would have a form, but still be growing, hardening, and developing. I imagine how she sucked her thumb, made faces, and even cried in the womb when she was startled. I picture my precious baby Elam...I see his face, his open mouth, his eyes, his tiny fingers, his heart through his transparent chest, and I picture Leila when she was that size. I look at Leila now, and I don't remember just when she was a newborn babe, but I remember her as a fetus, no less than who she is today. -Just less developed. If I could have seen her then or held her, would I love her any less than I do now? ...Did God?

God is first for me, and fighting for the unborn comes as a natural response to my relationship with Jesus. This may not be for everyone, but it is reality for me that I have no power over. I may be able to keep it all in, but I'll never be able to stop feeling so outraged and hurt about it all. I'll never be able to speak about it as if it were any less than what it is -murder. I'll never be able to stop picturing their little tiny faces during the inhumane abortion procedure.

What I did need to be challenged on was how insensitive I've been to post-abortive women, which I have never intended to do. I hold no bitterness against them. I see most of them as victims of a deceptive society which portrays the unborn as non-existent entities. It is only by the grace of God that I have never had one. When I was pregnant at 15 I was blessed with the support of my mother. I don't know what I would have done if she would have pressured me to get an abortion. I am also very aware that though I never walked into a doctors office and intentionally had my unborn child killed, I have been strung out on drugs, binged on alcohol, went without eating and sleeping, and all the while practicing "unsafe sex". The chances are pretty good that in those years my bad behaviour and lifestyle caused at least one spontaneous abortion that I never knew about. Not to mention that my first miscarriage was most likely due to my lifestyle, and my last probably because I was letting myself get stressed out and wishing I wasn't pregnant again.

I'm just saying that to God, I would be no less guilty than the woman who deliberately did it.

However, while most others see a lack of mercy and outreach for women who've had abortions, I see a disconnect in the Christian "pro-life" movement in another aspect. I see Christians speaking out against abortion, and showing potential abortive and post abortive mothers mercy, which is good, but I don't see a genuine compassion for the unborn children. I don't see people's reality merging with their theology, as Beth Moore would put it.

Abortion does hurt women.

But, abortion also hurts unborn babies.

To say that we should only approach the abortion issue on one angle, the angle of the woman, is to dismiss the reality of the unborn child and the child's suffering. It is precisely this notion that has allowed abortions to continue unabated in our country to the demise of millions of unborn children.

Abortion does not just concern the woman. There is also the very real issue of the child and we should not forget that.

So while I believe there needs to be programs for mothers, and support and love for abortion minded women, it's not enough. It's not enough to only focus on the women, and abortion will never be ended using only this strategy, though it is vitally important.

And it's not fair to say we shouldn't be trying to make abortions illegal, or that we should not push our "morality" on the rest of the country. It's not enough to only focus on the church because the Lord tells us to pursue justice, and women - and even born children- are being deprived of justice all over this country because abortion is legal with no restrictions or laws.

In order to maintain the fictional conception that the fetus is non-existent, we deprive women of justice when their unborn children are murdered. There are absolutely NO penalties for killing someone else's unborn child against her will. How's that for justice? Should we still keep our religion out of the public sector? Are potential and post-abortive women the only focus we should have?

In Canadian hospitals babies are being born alive and left to die because of our abortion minded society. Should we still only focus on the women and not get too political over it?

Most unborn babies with down syndrome are being aborted. It looks as though sex selective abortions are becoming more common now too.

There are late term abortions happening in our country.


The unfortunate truth is that abortion impacts the rest of our country in countless ways. Our laws, our justice system, and our health care system, not to mention the fact that we, the tax payers, are footing the bill for abortions.
Not to minimize the pain and suffering of post-abortive women, but the issue goes so far beyond the women.

So what's my point??

My point is that although I will not stop highlighting these issues, I will do it with more caution and regard for the sufferings of post-abortive women. While this issue can never be discussed truthfully without feelings getting hurt, I can make it a point to bring it all back to the grace of God through Jesus Christ, Who also died for women who've had abortions.

I apologize to anyone I may have hurt with my insensitivity.

As far as the pictures go...I dunno. It was the pictures that moved me to take the issue seriously, though I know that's not usually the case. That one's gonna take some prayer and Bible reading before I know what to do about that.

Awaiting My Time

Two things...

First, I'm a dope.

Second, God is faithful.

As Beth knows, for the last two yrs or so I've been "walking out of fellowship with God" and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why.

"What else must I do?!"

I've shouted at God. And then comes the panic.

"Just take my life now, God, cuz I'm just wasting my time here and I don't want my entire life to be for nothing."

And I meant it. In fact, for the last few months my desire to just keel over and die has been fueled by more and more fears, pressures, insecurities, temptations, and shortcomings that press down on me in herculean proportions, so massive I can almost see it...if that makes any sense. I've wanted to give up. I've flirted with the idea of suicide.

"I'm not doing any good here. My life is pointless. I'm screwing up my kids, and they'd be better off with someone else who can take care of them right. Someone who wouldn't hinder their relationships with God, etc., etc., etc."

It would be funny if it weren't so pathetic. I've always known that since I knew Jesus I can endure anything that Satan throws at me. Anything, that is, except being rejected by God. My faith would not be shaken by anything else...So it's no wonder that I lost faith as soon as I stopped hearing from Him.

Yes... That's what I said.

Beth Moore's Bible study this morning answered so many of my questions, and relieved so many of my fears and anxieties. And I didn't even want to go. At about 9:15 this morning, I was laying in bed thinking,"what's the point in going? I'm just wasting my time."I wasn't going to go, but at the last minute I decided to.
You see, what happened was, initially, God told me to do something. It wasn't that big a thing. I had confessed my lifestyle of lies to numerous people already, and this was just one more, but I got discouraged.

"God, will you ever stop humiliating me? As soon as I swallow my pride and it takes every ounce of courage in me to confess my lies to one person, You bombard me with more. And more....And more! Aren't You ever happy? Will it ever be enough?"

I resolved within myself that I was NOT going to do it this time! A few months later, and after much battling it out with God, I did it. The problem was that I never heard from Him again after that -even until now- I could not understand it either....until now. Was He going to hold it against me forever? Was I going to be like Moses and spend the rest of my life toiling in the desert only to never have the chance of entering the promised land? And no later did God stop speaking to me and suddenly all these old things in me that I thought had been taken care of when I was saved started to resurface and wreak havoc in me, my marriage, my family, and now my friends. I thought it was because I was out of fellowship with God, and it would all go away again if I could just get back where I should be. Unfortunately, my beloved brothers and sisters in cyber space wrongly validated that assumption by telling me all would be well again if I would only pray more. If I would only get rid of the sin in my life. If I would only have more faith. It never occurred to me, and apparently to them, that this just may be God's will for me. So, I've been continuing on for this last two years believing God had abandoned me because I'm sooooooooo far from being sinless. And so I try and I try and I try to get it right so I will hear His voice again, but as any wise Christian knows, that's like trying to squeeze orange juice from out of an apple. So... I get angry and give up. Then I see all the damage this storm is inflicting on my family and I panic and think,

"if I could only just be taken out of the way..."

Well, just yesterday I went to see Joanne Minor and was telling her how I no longer believe God has "left" me because of my inability to be sinless. (hahahahaha... what a dope I am. Well, duh!!), but that He has just allowed some of the old stuff in me to come to the surface where I can see it's still there so I can actually confront it and deal with it. It was wrong of me to believe that just because I was saved all my baggage would disappear. God was just giving me time to rest from it all and is letting me know it's time to move out in faith and conquer these things a little at a time. --Baby steps.

I still don't know why God isn't speaking to me like He did before. He lets me know He's there. At times I can ever so slightly be taken by His beauty again and by this I know that His Spirit still lives in me. But I gotta say, I miss the bliss. When I'm so close to Him that nothing else matters. That there's no possible way I could be afraid or feel anything but joy. Perhaps that's why He's made the good feelings scarce.

"It can't always be bliss." Says Joanne in a rather amused tone. I guess at some point I have to come back down to the realities of living in a sinful body that lives in a sinful world. While it might feel good not to, that won't conform me to the image of Christ.

It's not that I'm going to stop worshiping God now, just that my worship is going to look different. It's going to look like me trusting Him and following where He's leading right now, to this place I so don't want to go.

"But," I thought, "How long will this take? I only have a short time here. I don't want to waste it all working on this junk when there's so much more that has to be done."

And then comes God talking to me through Beth Moore, telling me,

"Time has not gone and isn't going. It's coming. It hasn't escaped Me. Your life is not being wasted. You're just waiting for the fullness of time to come."

And I heard,

"I am Faithful. I am Faithful. I am Faithful..."


I've heard some Christians say that God confirms things. I'll take this as a sign, since He's still not talking to me.

On a side note...

After praying for God to show me what and how He wants me to teach Mitch right now, I came across a book study for Language Arts and we're reading Alexander the Great. Then, out of nowhere, I came across a documentary on the last 300 Spartans (not the movie), which emphasized the training of the great Spartan Leonidas, who trained Alexander. We've been thinking about how his dysfunctional family affected him (a whole lot in common there), and God has been pressing on me to get Mitch to really put himself in Alexander's shoes as a child and young man. I'm not sure why yet. What I did realize today when Beth Moore was talking about him, was how I could incorporate the Bible into our Language and history lessons and since Mitch has a spark in him for history, he may be able to better relate to the Jews of that time.
I'm gonna have to look into it more. Very interesting stuff.