So I'm listening to this pastor teaching fathers how to raise masculine sons and feminine daughters and he explains how fathers need to push their sons farther than what the sons think is their potential. (We want them to accept challenges and not be afraid of getting hurt or or failure, right?)
So, to wrap it up with a final application, he exhorts the people not to overprotect their sons for this very reason.
He then proceeds to teach fathers how to raise feminine daughters and begins by making a marked distinction: "For girls," says he, "it's just different."
Apparently fathers should only "connect" with their daughters by taking time with their daughters, and making them feel special and interesting for who they are rather than "what they could give (if you know what I mean.)"
(Sons? Is this not true of both genders? It's about character, and in my estimation, it is not specific to any one gender. This is what Kyle D. Pruett explains in his book Fatherneed regarding the reasons father care is as essential as mother care for children of both sexes: that fathers instill in both their sons and daughters problem solving skills, perserverence, confidence to approach new people and situations, belief that hard work and diligence is rewarded, and things like that. It is the reason why fatherless girls usually struggle with math in school--a striking majority of them are inept at mastering frustration and problem solving skills.)
I don't think this kind of sexist stereotyping is really conducive to raising healthy, balanced children. Boys need to be built up and made to feel special for who they are and not what they can give just as girls do. And girls need to be encouraged to push through obstacles and realize being a coward is really a waste of the life God gave the same way boys do.
Perseverance, risk, and a positive aggression are traits instilled most generally by fathers. Mothers, as natural nurturers and comforters have a more difficult time holding back when their children are in pain or discomfort. But children need both mothers *and* fathers for a very good reason. Developing into a healthy, balanced adult requires being shaped by both the masculinity of a father and the femininity of a mother.
The Bible says that God is the Father to the fatherless, and He means it.There is a very special way He fathers the fatherless. He comes in and takes the role the earthly father was intended to take on. As embarrassing and annoying as it is now in my thirties, I am only now being parented by a father and having to learn all the things fathers typically teach and instill in their children.
Without my dad, I never learned perseverance. I dropped out of school when things got tough. I ran from discomfort. I had very little self-discipline. No self-confidence and so when things got hard, I gave up. After coming into a relationship with my heavenly Father, after a short time of really building up my knowledge of Him and His character, one of the first things He did was make me walk on my own. Not that He wasn't there. He was there, but He wouldn't let me 'feel' His presence there with me. For two years I allowed myself to be overcome with frustration, dismay, fear, anger, helplessness, feelings of betrayal and rejection. Finally--just as He knew I had the endurance and strength to do even if I didn't--I got to the point when I aggressively exerted every last ounce of strength I had in prayer to push through that obstacle that was in my way.
God fathered me this way to take me out of my comfort zone and teach me to walk by faith and not by sight. To teach me how to be more bold, and how to take risks. To build my spiritual stamina and begin the training of perseverance. I'm sure it wasn't exactly fun for Him to watch me in such discomfort and fear, but He believed in me enough to let me struggle through it. He did not come running to sweep me out of the situation as soon as I wanted Him to. He knew I would overcome and be victorious and all would be well in the end, but I needed to learn that.
My point? Well, there's two:
#1.These qualities ought not be attributed to masculinity. Where they may come more naturally to men, it is imperative that we cultivate these qualities into both our sons and daughters.
Biblical femininity depends on it. And
#2. If this is the way God fathers His daughters, why should we be any different?
Women, just like men, need to start trusting in God and exercising more self-confidence by stepping out of our comfort zones, taking more risks, allowing ourselves to try new things with the potential of falling or failure. Otherwise, how will we ever know the fullest potential God has built in us? How will we ever begin to conceive of and experience the heights of the things God has for us women who love Him? There are no limits in Him, only we limit ourselves.
Going back to the pastor and his message, he relays the story of his daughter who was "thinking of her husband at five years old," implicitly making the claim that femininity is rooted in being a wife, and then declares that men should father their daughters with the focus of grooming them for this identity.
But I humbly (yet passionately) disagree.
Our identity as women is not tied up in with being a submissive wife and good mother. These may or may not be specific tasks within our callings that we are responsible for, yes, but our identity is wrapped up in Christ alone. "Submission" is not an identity and is not tied to femininity in any way. It is an attitude. (And one, I might add, that both men and women in Christ are commissioned to).
The more general calling on our lives, the ministry of reconciliation, requires us women to be fighters, strong, valiant, courageous, initiators, leaders.
As Beth Moore pointed out in So Long Insecurity, the legendary Proverbs 31 woman was characterized by the Bible translators as being 'virtuous,' however, the original Hebrew word 'chayil' that was translated "virtuous" really is defined in Strongs dictionary as "an army, wealth, virtue, valor, strength, forces, might, power, valiant, worthy." This same word was translated "army' in Jeremiah 39:5, and "mighty warrior" in Judges 6:12.
We women are not called to be the wimpy little coquettes, never speaking up or fighting for right and truth. There is a battle going on out there and we are called to fight it along side our brothers in Christ. Women, as well as men, have been equipped to fight it. We just need the permission to stand up strong and be the women we are called to be.
Our place is NOT hiding behind our men. We fight beside them.
Our calling is NOT to hide behind aprons or piles of laundry (although these are things we must do.) We get out there and engage in the battle.
Don't cripple us women. We are capable of more. We are called to be mighty warriors. To take risks. To walk by faith. To persevere. To try new things. To be leaders.
We women have far more potential in us than what some credit to us. This potential is not attributed to gender or any human relationships, it's attributed to Who is living in and through us - Jesus Christ.
If we are willing to go out on a limb and believe, accepting the risk of being wrong, getting hurt or failing, nothing is impossible for us. Indeed, all things are possible for us.
No comments:
Post a Comment