Russell Williams, Rot in hell

I came across a quote the other day, though I can't say for sure who it was from:

"The line between good and evil is not between us and them; it runs right through each one of our hearts.

It was a very timely quote, as I came across a Toronto Sun article, "Rot in hell, Russell Williams" and it just drove it home. That, and my David-Powlison-Facebook-status update from two days ago:

Poverty of spirit is a sense of your utter need: you are a beggar in *who* you truly are. In your fundamental sense of who you are as a person, that you live hand-to-mouth on the generosity of Another. You need someone to give you a hand-out because you are a beggar and do not have marketable skills. It's a fundamental... sense of need for Another, and He is your only sanity. Jesus said: “Blessed are the poor in spirit for the kingdom of heaven belongs to them.” Does this sound like you?

 So, the article...

BELLEVILLE, Ont. - The iron handcuffs and leg irons snap shut on a sad-eyed devil who looks so deceptively like an ordinary human being.

Mr. Russell Williams shuffles off to Kingston Pen, hopefully for eternity, where in an isolated cell, perhaps near Paul Bernardo, he can replay in his mind the snuff films he choreographed with such sadistic detail.

For the briefest of moments, he had almost fooled me with his emotional expression of remorse.

But he was just playing a part. Playing at being human.

Playing, because he cannot possibly be one of us.

Without the protection of his military rank, his uniform, his outward mask of stiff self-confidence, the "sadosexual serial killer" had risen slowly in the prisoner's box to address the victims of his crimes.

But he was addressing the horrified nation he once served as well.

About to be condemned by the sentencing judge as "Canada's bright shining lie", the former CFB Trenton, Ont., commander could barely find his voice, his pale, long fingers clenched in a fist by his sides, his hanky tucked in a pocket nearby.

"Your Honour," he finally said so haltingly, before hesitating once more as seconds ticked slowly by. "I stand before your honour indescribably ashamed."

We have seen him naked, we have seen him wearing the orange bras and panties he's pilfered from his victims. We have been drawn images that will haunt our psyche for many nightmares to come, of a sadistic animal who tied ropes around two beautiful women, made them do his perverse bidding, and then executed them when his pleasure was done.

"Shame," Mr. Williams? Shame should hardly be the word.

The sentence yet to be uttered will come as no surprise to him: For the brutal rape and murder of Marie-France Comeau, 38, and Jessica Lloyd, 28, and the sexual assaults of two neighbours and panty thefts from dozens more, he will serve an automatic life term with no chance of parole for 25 years.

He didn't have to say anything before this sentence was imposed. No words of regret would change the mandated punishment to be meted out by Justice Robert Scott.

So there is some modicum of respect for what Williams did Thursday morning, acting for a brief moment like the soldier he was supposed to be, and accepting responsibility like a man.

"I know the crimes I've committed," Williams began and after a long pause continued, "have traumatized many people. The family and friends of Marie-France Comeau and Jessica Lloyd have suffered and continue to suffer profound desperate pain and sorrow as a result of what I've done."

He cried what looked like real tears. He reached for a tissue, wiped at his nose.

"The understandable hatred that was expressed yesterday and that was palpable throughout makes me recognize that most will find it impossible to accept the fact that I very deeply regret what I have done and the harm I know I have caused."

Silence filled the courtroom, except for the sniffling of a serial killer. No one else will shed a tear for him on this day, not when there were none for the women he brutalized, bound with rope and filmed as he violated them again and again.

"I had a hard time fighting back the tears yesterday and I didn't feel that same emotion today," OPP Det.-Insp. Chris Nicholas will later tell reporters on the steps of the courthouse, recalling the heart-wrenching victim impact statements of the day before.

"I felt extremely sorry for the victims. I don't feel extremely sorry for Mr. Williams."

Yet I admit to being moved for a moment by his words. His self-loathing appears genuine, he doesn't seem to understand himself any more than we do.

"I've committed despicable crimes, your Honour," he said, choking on his sobs, "in the process betraying my family, my friends and colleagues and the Canadian Forces.

"I shall spend the rest of my life regretting most of all that I have ended two vibrant, innocent and cherished lives."

So he said all the right things, rehearsed and delivered them well. He sounded contrite and even the judge accepted his regret as sincere.

But it changes nothing. We have only to look over to the other side of the courtroom, where every seat is filled with pain.

"Marie-France did not have to die. Jessica Lloyd did not have to die," the judge reminded him.

Only a monster would hunt women and treat them like disposable prey. Only an animal devoid of all humanity could have ignored their desperate pleas for life.

So tell me not that you're sorry, you horrific impostor of a man. Tell me why.

Explain to me the anatomy of your evil.

Make me understand how you managed to live among us with such remarkable success, pretending you were human.

When you were not remotely human at all."

 

I read through it with sorrow, keenly aware that it could be me in his shoes in light of everything that God had been reinforcing in me for the days before. 

I'm therefore inclined to disagree that his displays of remorse are insincere. While I do not like to imagine myself being capable of such things, I know what it is to struggle with terribly shameful sin, to act on sin, and to feel ashamed and consumed with self-loathing afterward. The truth is not that only an animal devoid of humanity could have done such a thing, but that only a *human* devoid of the staying hand of God could have done what he did.

My fancy rendition of author unknown's quote:

"The line between good and evil is not between me and him; it runs right through me."

It's also curious that we claim there is no right and wrong, no purpose, no heaven or hell, we are all evolved pond scum, worth no more than an earthworm, and we expect people to live any differently.

What is the anatomy of evil? How did he live among us like any other human?  

Williams is perhaps more familiar with the ugly reality of the human condition without God than he who penned the question. 
People have a hunger in them and when that hunger isn't satisfied, this happens. Because we are a broken humanity we look to fleeting, temporal things for purpose, life, meaning, fulfillment, thrills, pleasures. The stronger the craving, the more dangerous the potential, as our pursuit for satisfaction is frustrated and we're caught in a downward spiral of degradation. 
Williams was looking for some high, some adrenaline rush, something to pacify the deep cravings of his soul. Death and destruction are never satisfied, the Bible says, and this is an example of that truth. Enough is never enough when we're dealing with a soul designed to be satisfied in the Infinite. 

Let's take this as a profound reminder that unless we depend on God and feast on everything that He is for us in Jesus Christ, we will be on an endless pursuit for things that will not and cannot satisfy--and that pursuit could set us up for some dangerous sins. 

Let us also remember that Jesus did say these kinds of people would enter into the kingdom before the 'righteous.' At least as Williams is sitting in that cell mourning the evil things he did, and as he has to face his poverty of soul, he is not as likely to think he has no need of a Saviour.