I am sitting here this Sunday afternoon with anxiety knotting in my stomach as I await the commencement of this year's Desiring God Conference for Pastors, which happens to be called "God, Manhood, and Ministry." Oh joy.
Why the anxiety? Well, because I anticipate, first of all, an onslaught of implied negative messages about womanhood that all these pastors will gloss over and proceed to regurgitate to their congregations of men, women, and children alike, hurting countless people.
Secondly, I predict will once again be made out to be a "Jezebel" - a disobedient woman whom God is displeased with simply because I believe I am more than an artificial role, and I utterly refuse to assume this position of subordination and thus perpetuate sexism and abuse in the body of Christ. Although I am growing in strength and resolve to trust my God-given instincts and persevere in the face of opposition and condemnation,when my community - all the people I most love and respect in this world - disapprove of my convictions and push their own interpretations with the force of "God's Word" and "Design" behind it, it is very difficult to go against the tide.
In short, I fear that all this conference will be successful in doing is fueling the fires of injustice in the church - in my church (I already know firsthand how these gender doctrines perpetuate domestic abuse in the church) - and that not only angers me, but leaves me anticipating the condemnation from my leaders.
I will try to stay on top of the messages throughout the next couple of days and "figure things out," though that is reportedly a very masculine thing to do. (You see? There I go again assuming a male role; real women are airheads who should not be given to any kinds of exploration, whether scientific, geological, or theological.)
I will sign off for now with a little tidbit my son posted on Facebook that I think some of these men would appreciate...though not for the same reasons that I do, I bet.
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